Solitude

Journalist Heather Hansen wrote about the benefits of solitude as she grappling with a death in the family. (Credit: Courtesy of Heather Hansen) Heather Hansen is a self-professed science freak and history buff who has combined both those passions in a new book, Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone (Cambridge University Press). Co-written with psychology professors Netta Weinstein and Thuy-Vy T. Nguyen, the book explores the benefits and challenges of "alone time," weaving in scientific data and plenty of powerful historical examples — including the anchoresses of the Middle Ages, who were women who completely rejected the secular world and often lived in cells attached to churches. Hansen, a journalist for 25 years and frequent contributor to The Story Exchange, says she was approached by the research team to lend her interviewing skills to the project. And it came at a perfect time, she says, as she was grappling with a death in the family and her own mixed feelings about solitude. We asked her about the book, the writing process and the stigma related to solitude, particularly when it comes to women who are alone. Q&A is lightly edited for length and clarity. Tell us about the book. The book is about how and why solitude can be great for everyone. It’s the first book to look at time alone from different disciplines like history, art, neuroscience, literature and more. When we do that, we see that solitude has been used mostly as a punishment – or put up on a pedestal -- with little consideration of it in our everyday lives. With scientific support, we argue that those ‘ordinary’ moments can be just as extraordinary. Who should read it? This book is for both solitude lovers and skeptics -- and really everyone in between. In reality, most of us will spend one-third of our lives alone and more as we get older. That’s a lot of solo time! Peeling away the layers of stigma often associated with wanting to be alone, and understanding what’s possible in those moments, can be life changing. Is it harder for women to be alone, perhaps from a societal perspective? For many women, yes, and as far as we can tell this has always been true. Historically, women on their own were considered deviant and dangerous. Both then and now, women have taken greater risks in seeking alone time and living in ways that defy expectations; we are often stigmatized and pitied (or called selfish) if we are not conforming to the stereotype of the ‘good girl’ who puts others’ emotional needs ahead of our own. Your book includes prominent examples, from ancient history to modern times, of women choosing solitude. Tell us about them. While they’re not famous now, the anchoresses of the Middle Ages, who acted as spiritual consultants, went to great lengths to be left alone by being walled up in small cells with no means of physical escape. Centuries later, more women found ways to have 'a room of one’s own,' as Virginia Woolf put it, though it wasn’t easy. Even today, women may internalize societal scorn and resist spending time alone because of the image it projects. Still others embrace that perceived radicalism, such as the 'hermettes,' a group of New York women who are hoping to shape a new feminine ideal. How do you define solitude? We define solitude as 'a state in which the self is intentionally put at the center of one’s attention and, if not physically alone, then mentally distanced.' That emerged from one of the most surprising findings gleaned from our research participants -- that there are a lot of ways in which people experience positive solitude and not everyone needs to be physically separate from others to do it. That’s important because there may be solitary moments in our daily lives we could be using to greater advantage. What are some of the biggest takeaways in the book? Solitude is not inherently good or bad, it’s a neutral lump of clay that we sculpt into whatever we want. The single most important indication of whether or not solitude will be positive is if we believe we will find something interesting and meaningful there. But if we struggle with that, all hope is not lost for excellent alone time. In the book, we share tons of tips for how to achieve your best solitude like setting a tone of discovery and opportunity versus an expectation of success or failure. How did you personally change during the course of writing the book? Alone time has always been an important part of my life but I was struggling with it at the start of this project. I had grief and trauma over my mother’s untimely death and talking to others about their solitude experiences reminded me of how positive and powerful it can be. What is your favorite part of the book? Tough question! I have to talk about two parts -- the chapter on the many benefits of solitude described to us by our research participants. It’s such a joyous section on doing what you want and being who you are. Related is the chapter on nature and solitude which is close to my heart. I did a lot of that grief work I just mentioned by spending time outdoors, on my own and walking. …anything else we should know about solitude? Since we’ve seen a lot of recent headlines about an ‘epidemic of loneliness’ in many parts of the world, it’s important to differentiate between solitude and loneliness. Unlike solitude, loneliness is an emotion that doesn’t necessarily correlate with being alone (one can be lonely in a packed stadium). Instead, it’s an evolutionary alarm telling us that there’s a gap between what we want from our social relationships and what we’re getting. By contrast, we choose solitude out of desire to know ourselves. ◼

Solitude

How ‘Alone Time’ Can Be Powerful, Especially for Women

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